I don’t talk about homeschooling much. It can be such a controversial subject. It’s a battle I just don’t want to spend my time fighting. It works for us. It may not work for you. I believe everyone should have a choice. I don’t want to beat anyone up for their choice anymore than I want to be beat up for mine.
Occasionally, however, I feel the need to talk about what’s working for us and share what we’ve learned so that it might help someone else as they search for what really works for them.
We’ve been homeschooling for almost 17 years now – we started when Matthew was born in June of 1993. He learned to crawl and walk and talk and figure out how to get what he wants even when I may not want him to have it.
When he was four, he brought me a book and told me he wanted to read it to me. I thought this was going to be great fun listening to him make up the story as he looked at the pictures because this was not one of the books that we often read. Instead, he read every single word. I had not specifically taught him how to read. He has picked it up on his own.
When he was five, I decided he needed to start ‘school’. I bought all the regular kindergarten and first grade books that I thought he would be using in public or private school and started teaching him those from home. We started school when public school would start and he had his own school desk in the school room we had prepared (it also doubled as Mallory’s nursery since she was a tiny baby at the time). We had brought school home.
He did rather well, but fussed quite a bit when we got to certain subjects. He liked the idea of ‘school’ though so he put up with it. Every year, I would buy all the books that I thought he should be studying for his age and understanding. I got all the regular subjects that he ‘should’ be studying in public school. It was easy! he was doing great!
When Mason turned 5, I started him on the same track. Everything came to a screeching halt. He didn’t like books. He didn’t like any of the subjects I thought he should be studying. As a matter of fact, I soon found out that he didn’t want to learn ANYTHING that I wanted him to learn. But, if it was his idea, he didn’t have a problem picking it up in record time. It turned my world upside down. I felt inadequate as a teacher and as a mother. I tried bribes, punishment, rewards, everything. Nothing seemed to work.
So, I gave up. I decided to send him to public school when the next school year started. But, the strangest thing happened. A couple of days before it was time to register for school he picked up a book and started reading it word for word. It was as if he learned over night. He didn’t want to go to public school while Matthew was home.
Long story short, I finally realized that the best way to get my kids to learn is to let it be their idea. They will learn what they need when they are ready. When they have a good reason to learn it, they learn it. Not MY good reason, but theirs. Such as Mason suddenly learning to tie his shoes when Mallory announced that she could tie hers. I had been round and round with him trying to teach him how to tie his shoes and he was determined not to do it.
When Mallory turned 5, it made teaching Mason look like a piece of cake. Those of you that know Mallory know that the mold was really broken with her. She is a very determined, very stubborn, very smart little girl. And she let me know very quickly that she wasn’t going to learn anything she didn’t want to learn. If she had gone to public school, we would probably have had many, many parent/teacher conferences. I had many parent/teacher conferences with myself with this one.
Through those 17 years, I’ve learned a lot! And so have they. I’ve learned that they each their strengths. And they each have their weaknesses. So do I. I’ve learned with my own self that I have much more fun strengthening my strengths than I do my weaknesses. I would much rather do what I’m strong in and then hire someone that is good at my weakness. Not only am I happier, but so is the person that I’ve hired! When I am left alone to do what I’m passionate about, I do my very best!
Mason and Mallory made me re-think everything. It was HUGE roller coaster trying to determine what to do. One minute I would feel so inadequate and decide that I would HAVE to send them to public school so that they could learn what they needed to learn. Then I would question just WHO had the authority to decide what they needed to learn? I started to question what’s really important in life and what they really needed to be learning.
I won’t bore you with everything that went through my mind, but I will say that I finally decided that God made them the way He made them for a purpose. And I shouldn’t be trying to make them fit into a mold that someone else (me mostly) had created for them. I learned a long time ago that not every 8 year old kid can wear a size 8. And I learned that not every kid enjoys learning from books. And I learned that not every kid enjoys spelling. And the ones that enjoy spelling do not necessarily enjoy drama.
I also learned that when I made them study and learn the things *I* wanted them to study and learn, I was slowly killing their spirit. They lost that love for exploration and questioning those things that really caught their attention. They were beginning to put limits on certain things and tell themselves that they weren’t old enough to learn or understand that yet. I could see that their passions were slowly getting crushed and they were being taught to spend their time on things that really didn’t interest them.
Maybe I think too much, but when Matthew asked me why on earth he would need to write in cursive – my only answer was because he would need it for school – his teachers might require it. He quickly told me that he wasn’t going to school. I told him he needed to go to college. He told me he was going to start his own business and that if he needed to go to college to do that, then he would learn cursive before he went.
I’ve been to several colleges. I don’t want to discredit college. I learned a lot from college. Most of the things I learned there, I wouldn’t want to write about. 
I have to say that most every thing I’ve needed for my ‘job’, I could have, and would have, learned on my own because that’s what I’m passionate about. If it’s something I needed someone to teach me, I could have found a mentor and learned from them. There is something to say for that piece of paper and how it speaks to someone, but I would probably have done just as well without it.
Please don’t get me wrong. I am NOT against higher education. I think it has it’s place and if you want to do something that requires you to have a degree than by all means, get the degree. But, college should be more of a means to and end rather than a requirement for life. That’s just my opinion. I will not require my kids to go to college. I trust that they will go if they need it because they will want to learn whatever it is they are going there to learn. But, if they are required to go because that’s what they are supposed to do, they won’t really learn nearly as much. I know them.
I went to college the first time because that’s just when you did when you graduated high school. I had a GREAT time! But, I changed my major 5 times and quit after three years because I still didn’t know what I wanted to do. When I went back to school I had a goal and a purpose. I knew what I wanted to do and I got a 4.0 in my major. Not because I was that smart, but because I WANTED to learn it. I was passionate about it and I soaked up everything I could. I couldn’t get enough of it. It wasn’t a chore to me. It was FUN!
The most important thing I want my kids to learn is how to be happy. They are learning now that sometimes it does take money to get some of the things they want that will make them more happy. They are slowly learning that Mom won’t be around to foot the bill for their passions much longer and they will have to find a way to turn those passions into money somehow. And when they see a need to learn more about the business end of their passions, I know they’ll learn it.
What have they learned from ‘school’ through the years? How to learn what they need to know. And when they ‘graduate’, I feel confident that whatever life throws at them, if they don’t know how to handle it, they’ll know how to learn how to handle it. I’m not saying they wouldn’t be able to do this if they had gone to public school. That’s irrelevant for them. It’s not a competition to see if they are smarter than other’s their age. I don’t even care if they could pass the same tests. All that really matters is their happiness.
As their teacher, I am listening constantly. When they express a desire for something they want to learn, I get them all the resources they need to learn it (within reason of course). But, since I know that when it’s their idea, they will learn it so much quicker, I try not to waste anytime getting them the resources they need.
I’ve been asked for books about writing, geometry, legos, music, arts, science, physics, advanced computer languages, comics, sports, and much, much more. I’ve been asked for software programs that do all kinds of things from making movies to making music to making fashion designs. I’m not talking just games here, I’m talking about professional software, sometimes very expensive software. I’ve been asked for tools, hardware, small appliances, science experiment kits, karate gear and now, a treadmill. I’ve provided some pretty non-traditional school resources through the years. And somehow, God has provided. I trust He will continue to do so – even when they move out.
I wrote all this to tell you how good it felt when Matthew asked me to buy him a treadmill. When I started trying to get in shape, I encouraged my kids to walk with me and exercise with me. They didn’t want to and even though at times, I made it worth their time to join me by offering them rewards, I knew that if I forced the issue it would just push them further away from joining me in the new healthy lifestyle. So, I just kept doing my own thing and didn’t push them. Last week, on the same day, both Matthew and Mallory, asked for a treadmill. Actually, Mallory said she wanted to join a gym, but when I told her Matthew wanted a treadmill, she said that was even better. Did I want to buy a treadmill? Not necessarily. There were other things I would rather spend the money on, but I’ve made a promise to myself to do everything I can to provide the resources that will get my kids closer to their goals. It’s a small price to pay for their happiness. I want them to know that it’s important to invest in our health. And some things are much more important than money.
I don’t want it to sound like I think I’ve got all this figured out. I don’t. I just know that I have to take it one step at a time. Tomorrow will bring it’s own set of challenges. What’s worked for me so far is to encourage my kids to learn whatever it is they have a desire to learn. Hopefully, I’ve taught them to never say, “I can’t” but to always look for solutions to their problems and not expect someone else to solve their problems for them. I want them to know that their happiness will never depend on another person, but will only depend on themselves and what’s inside of them.
And if they want a treadmill, we’ll get a treadmill! If I had known how hard the thing would be to put together, I would have held out a little longer Now I have no excuse not to walk. What was I thinking??
